My So Called Gay Black Southern Life

So, I am pretty well known for not answering my phone these days yet people still repeatedly call me. I was told yesterday that this specific person was “losing faith” in me. I just don’t get it. Why do I have to be the one that everyone wants to turn to for fun and conversation? I need alone time too and I am sure letting everyone know about it. My best friend said it best when she says she doesn’t let just anyone in. Its safer that way. There are just too many leeching freaks out there! The funny thing is that one of the few people that I actually wanna hear from can’t seem to call me. He can email me until his fingers fall off but he can’t seem to pick up the phone. Who knows? I’ve pretty much given up on that one anyways plu sit looks like an acquiantnace of mine may be dating him anyways. Not sure but the similarities are there in the description of who he is dating. Thing is he doesn’t know that I know he is dating (b/c he has a boyfriend) and I am hearing random bits and pieces of this from another friend..Wierd, I know..sounds a lot like high school. Oh well…whatever..hmm, WHATEVER, that’s pretty much how I feel towards everything right now. Ughh,Bye.

Its way to early to be blogging. I think I have a problem. Must seek help. Nah, this blogging thing is the least of my problems. Actually, for the most part, things are quite settled in my life. I have an extra income, a healthy (some would disagree) sex life, a few godo people to hang out with and my health. I haven’t updated you on the happenings with the random straight roomie. It coudl just be my wishful thinking but I think he is dropping hints that he wants to explore the “other side”. He has been asking me to rub his back and always tells me when he is horny and needs his dick sucked. Also, lately he has been referring to me as “Honey” and calling me way more than any straight guy should. Too bad for him that I see an extra $350 a month more important that his possibly tasty cock. I have struggled with being good because I am an overly sexual person and often use that to express myself. When I think about making a comment I think about the extra money and also the fact that he is so cocky that he would think “Of course he wants to blow me. I’m gorgeous!”. So, I’ll play good for now, besides he really has no clue as to the things I have seen or done. I do admit that I play the role of “less enlightened southern boy” to him just to stay a step ahead of the game. Sometimes I’ll “Oooh and Ahh” at his ridiculous stories and act like I am slightly impressed while at other times I enjoy smacking his ego down. I’m a sick, sick person. I must admit though, when it happens (as I am sure it may one day) it is ON!!!

Ok, so more than one person has told me that they live their lives through me. I think that is a funny, funny thing. Maybe its not such a good thing but I think it is. I definately like to keep things interesting for myself. I hosted my first adult toy party a few nights ago. Needless to say, it was a HUGE success! About 10 people showed up and we all fit perfectly in my living room. The crowd was pretty mixed, girls, guys, straight, gay and all in between. Coversation was good, and the liquor poured freely (except for me not having a corkscrew to open the wine). At least that is what a phillips head screwdriver is for…what can I say, I live in TN and we are a resourceful people! By th eend of the night, we were all pretty tipsy and doing line dances in my living room and singing the latest country tunes at the top of our lungs. Afterwards we made it out to a local trashy gay bar called the Chute. Yeah, as in Poop Chute..Hahaha, how clever! It ended well and I came home to my new roomie who was passed out on the couch. I tell you, that situation is sort of weird for me with him there. Not really in a bad way but more of in an, I don’t know who you are and you’re living with me” kind of way. He for sure has his quirks. His girlfriend whom he refers to as “Woman” just broke it off with him and he is devastated. He is convinced its because he is being punished for not attending church since he moved to Nashville. Of course it couldn’t be the fact that he refers to her as his property, woman, etc. That has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the breakup at ALL! He has started asking me to spend time with him and rub his back now, both of which I decline to do on a daily basis. I am just not this for a new friend or sex partner. This is merely a money making opportunity for me so I do not want to mess things up so I try to stay distant from him. I think I may warm up to him later, who knows..we’ll have to see. Oh well, by the way, things are going still with Frat boy Steven Todd. I ate dinner with him on Sat. night and he came over on Sunday with cheese dip and we had a good time He’s started calling me more now and opening up a little so thats good. He also told me that his best friend was getting jealous because he has been spending more time with me. He is soo cute, anyway. I am totally whipped, more than I want anyone to know. its scary. I have to go now!

Who would have thought? Me, dirt, tools? I tell you, this home ownership thing has made me a changed man. I woke up early this morning and cleaned out my flower bed in the front yard and went to town. It’s still a little naked but it looks better than the mound of weeds that were up there prior. Today is a ho-hum kind of day for me with lots to think about. I have been going through fits of laughter, sadness, and everything in between these last few days. I think what it boils down to is my lack of being satisfied. I know, who is ever truly satisfied and content with what they have? I still think back about the good old college days. I had plenty of “pajama friends”. You know, friends you just chill out with and have a good time doing nothing with. The kind that you can laugh with, lay with and watch TV and even at times get dressed up with and hit the town. I don’t really have that anymore with anyone here and it makes me sad. I have tried to get on that level with people but I guess I get more “guarded” as I get older as does everyone else. What a pain. I guess its the same way with “looking” for a relationship. It will not happen as long as you are actively pursuing it so I’ll give it more time. That’s really all I have. Speaking of relationships, this thing with the frat dude has got to stop. I really don’t think he is into me at all so I need to stop kidding myself and try to salvage some sort of friendship from it. He is just so weird around me, hot then cold. Like last night, he called me a few times during the day and we ended up going out to dinner. He was DRESSED and looked great! We went to a local Mexican restaurant and as I parked he got drinks for us inside. We ate and stumbled through conversation. He didn’t really seem to be there in the moment and that made me uncomfortable. He was also acting wierd, putting food on my plate with his hands and fingers and eating off my plate and putting his food on mine with his fingers, all very odd for a 34 yr old to be doing this. It was cute though and we did laugh alot. Afterwards, I went back to his house and he said he was going to bed so I left. It’s just weird. I’m not used to that and can’t read it so I give up. Maybe it’ll ease up as we get to know more about each other but how do we do that seeing each other one day a week? Oh well. gotta take the dogs to the park.