My So Called Gay Black Southern Life

Ok, so I am crazy and need some serious therapy. All of my friends will tell you that but now I really realize it myself. It’s all about patterns, ya know? Everyone has a certain pattern they follow in life. It helps them cope, gives them an agenda to follow, it makes them feel comfortable. I don’t know why I am so hung up on this boy that I can’t think straight. It’s part of the way that I deal with and process men. I meet them and if I find some good quality, I obsess on it and immediately skip the whole “get-t-know-you thing and go straight for the sex then I am hooked and it never works out because who really ends up with someone that was first introduced as a sex partner? It just doesn’t work that way, at least not that I have seen. So for the last few days I have consulted friend after friend, tarot cards and even signed up to a daily horoscope reading to get insight into how this guy feels about me. I know what you’re saying, “How the HELL can a computer generated set of cards tell you what you need to know”. Trust me, I tell myself that too and in my right mind I know but I keep doing it, waiting to see “YES HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU”. Not gonna happen. So now is the time that I do what an old good friend said years back. “Pick your face up and walk away”. So, I am now bending over and picking up my pretty little face and walking..far, far away. Well, to the gym at least for now then maybe work, but you get what I’m saying. I am just going to look at this thing with the eyes of friendship and try to let things run its natural course. Hey, that’s something my all knowing best friend Shannon told me about this anyways. Just throw it in the air and let the Fates deal with it. So, with my face securely in my hand, I am packing my gym bag and going to work out! Hmm, oddly I feel better.

Can’t these stupid boys take a hint? If I were interested in them I would have made it known by now, at least on some level. This whole Internet thing can sometimes be a bit overrated. Sure, it brings people together, bridges gaps, yadaa yadda yadda but it can also be a breeding ground for IM stalkers. You know the type, the ones, sitting at their desk waiting for a certain someone to log on only for them to bombard them with unwanted instant messages. Today has been a bad day for me with that. Some random dude keeps asking me to meet up with him and giving me his number and tells me that I have not shwon any intesrest in him but he keeps going with it. I have told him nicely, bluntly and plain just blocked his screen name but he changes it and will not leave me alone. What a crazy!!! Anyways, today is a rainy day and I guess it has put me in a pissy mood. That and the fact that I am slightly hungover from last night’s partying. I ended up going out with the other sluts and whores from my job. We went to a local bar near work and had a few drinks. I ended up getting several lap dances from the straight bartender that I trained as well as his soft lips grazing mine. Needless to say, it was more than hot. We rubbed and groped and kneaded and pulled for hours. It was a virtual orgy with clothes on. Girls on girls, boys on boys, girls on boys, wel..you get the point. See, THAT is why is stay to myself and obesses about my dogs. I know what trouble I can and will get myself into if put into that situation so I try to steer clear but had to give in last night. It was great, got the blood pumping so to speak but I must chill it out and stay on the path that I’m on. God, I sound like an alcoholic fresh out of a 12 step program. At any rate, lots of hot things going on forme right now. The tarot predicts good things for me in the future but I have to resist temptation. Hey, there is something to be said for the tarot. Well, I am out of here, have to move stuff downstairs to make room for the new roomie. I think he is coming by today after he eats lunch with his “woman”…at least that how he refers to her. Ok, so thats perhaps the only unbearable thing about him so far. I mean, who calls their significant other “Woman” in 2005? Hmmm..sounds a bit cheesy and sexist if you ask me. Maybe the more reason the poor boy is really a homosexual. Ta Ta For Now!

OK, so, as my best friends will tell you, when I get on a kick with something, I really get into it. The latest thing for me is the band Sugarland. Yep, they are a fairly new country trio whose story is incredible, almost as good as their music. It’s real music and really alot of people can identify with their lyrics plus the lead singer (female) had some incredible pipes!!! You should check ‘em out. So, its now been about 2 months since moving into my house. I am loving every minute of it. I really thought that I would be lonely and cry lots after leaving the ex bf but really non of that has happened. I did cry once since being here but it was because I was so excited for what I have accomplished. Good crying is always a good thing. I am finally getting settled in and starting my new life. Since last entry I have gotten one of my old dogs back from the ex’s parents. Her name is Nala and she is a lab/something mix and is GORGEOUS!!! I was sooo happy when I got her and feel more complete in a weird canine way now that she is back. So that puts me up to two dogs (Bunny and Nala) and 2 cats (Puffy and Ani). Man, thats a full house but I would not have it any other way. Things at work are still ok. I am now their Trainer for all people that come into contact with the guests. It is working out for me and gives me some sense of purpose now rather than selling BBQ. Makes me sleep better at night. I am also getting a roomie that is moving in next week sometime. He is the first straight guy that I will have lived with. To be honest, I am really excited about this b/c of the experience. He even comes with a dog and a girlfriend (not living with me though) so this should be very interesting plus it will help on the bills a bit. I’ll keep you posted on thing with that situation as it may get interesting since he is somewhat near the end of that relationship and seems a bit no so straight. I am not going to have sex with him but I never said I wouldn’t hook him up with some buddies. Also, for the last month I have been hanging out with a cool guy named Steven Todd. His is a 34 yr old ex frat dude from OKC and is incredibly nice, genuine and HOT, not to mention his private bits are tasty! YUMMMMMY. Well, I gotta get back to this cleaning thing. You know, I am a Virgo and must clean obsessively.