My So Called Gay Black Southern Life

So I am on vacation. It’s about damned time! Cannot believe I have a full week away from pulled pork and country line dancing, a combination to make even the most die hard Western enthusiast get sick. Over the last few months months I have really grown to hate my job and most of the people there but hey, who doesn’t, right? My feelings about my job plus the fact that I was working 13 hour days consistently was enough to put me in the hospital a little over a week ago. Nothing too bad, just tonsilitus, an ear infection and mouth ulcers. Thanks to Lortabs, sleep and antibiotics (which make your body do aweful things), I am the free spirited, fun loving person I have always been. Hahahaha (couldn’t help myself). One great thing that being sick gave me the chance to do was to update my resume and put it online. I now have a host of interviews set up during my vacation. This is definitely a good thing. I thought the 9-5 lifestyle was not for me but quickly realized that I had a good thing when I had it and plan to get back to that, hopefully making more money. So now I’m sitting at home cleaning before my workout and playtime with friends. Of course the evil ex did not come home last night from the bars. A word of advice to anyone out there…When you break up with your significant other, DO NOT think that you two can still live together and be friends. I was in so much denial on so many levels about my relationship with him that I thought we could do just that. Of course, for him, he was able to make that transition quickly and move onto find someone else and a new identity. Things are different with me. I have always been “me” and like to face my problems and make a better self, constantly evolve. So you can imagine right now what I am dealing with..thoughts of a failed 4+ yr relationship and trying to keep on the “path” and improve myself. Its hard to improve yourself when you feel “damaged”. Don’t get me wrong, my life has not ended since the breakup but alot of my feelings were validated after the fact, seeing his patterns with the new people he meets. Its almost like a mirror of the way things were when we met. It just makes me feel that our moment was not “special”. That sounds crazy but its how I feel. But, watching this go on makes me feel sorry for him and that makes me sad that he just doesn’t see his patterns and doesn’t strive to be himself or better himself. Anyways, thats just been on my mind alot lately but I don’t want to talk about it with people b/c I was the one who broke it off so I should not be the one so upset, right? LOL. Yeah, that’s what I hear, not so sure that’s how it goes though..Anyways, off to the gym..gotta keep things up!