My So Called Gay Black Southern Life

What is it with so called heterosexual men? My friends always joke with me about my pheremones and what they seem to do to guys who think they are straight. Now, I don’t necessarily believe that you can “convert” and straight guy into a bi or gay one but that shit seems to happen to me alot. They always drop the lame lilne of “you just make me feel at ease” or some other lame crap like that. Like I am supposed to feel all fluttery in my chest and drop to my knees..Well, can’t lie, it usually does go something like that…hehehe..but not always so don’t too bad of me. For the past few weeks this guy at work has really been trying to “work” me…in a most obvious way. He is a chef and I part of my job requires that I check in with the chefs on various orders. Lately when I go down to speak to him he will throw out some random sexual comment about the “special sauce” he has for me or bend over in front of me and talk about his “assets”. I usually joke back with him b/c I am and have always been a flirty kind of guy. Last night he must have been feeling extra gutsy or just plain horny. I called for the Exec. Chef on radio but the guy answered saying the Chef was gone and that “he was the only one I’ve got”. I asked him my question and he asked where I was in the building. About 30 minutes later he pops up in the office that I was in. He starts talking and thats when I tell him about Fetus..He said, “Well how about you take care of some 24 year old too”…I tried to act cool but inside my head was crazy!!! My face got hot and turned red and ears were on FIRE!!! Could not believe this was happening at work with me looking and smelling like buffet food..Nasty!!! I played off what he said and he then asks if there was a camera in the room and takes his pants down and shows me his new holiday boxers..I freaked, heart beating faster every minute. All the time thinking, “What should I do?” “What about Fetus?”, “What about work, getting fired, etc..” Crazy mad rushes everywhere. I did end up being good and telling him I had to run and check on my people. He led the way out of the office but before opening the door he bent over and stuck his but against my “Danger Zone” and I jumped back..Not gonna lie, I was totally turned on but overall that would not have been worth everything that could have happened..Geez, gotta love my pheremones….

Is that the title of a Kenny Chesney song? Kinda scary that I would know that. Anyway, I am officially not on vacation anymore, went back to work yesterday. To be honest, I didn’t know if my truck would let me park in the lot for work or just drive itself on by. I should have chosen the latter..the minute I walked in to the place the smell of pork and beer filled the air. And after hours of hanging Christmas decorations in the freezing rain and kissing VVVIP ass my shackles were opened and I was set free for the next two days. Thank God! Maybe now I can really pound the pavement and find a quick replacement. Before work the Fetus called me to see if I’d go out to a local bar with him, his friend and her mother. Weird combo, if you ask me. I decided to go and quickly changed after work and met him down there. Now I hate to sound like some older timer but when I was his age that particular club was THE place to go but the last year or so has been rough on the ole girl…With the addition of a new “gay district” in Nashville, which consists of 1 bookstore and 3 clubs, the attendance at my old stompin’ grounds has more than dwindled. Even so, it still had that “something” that made me stand in line every weekend in college just to get in. So we sat down and watched a pretty decent drag show..I only knew two of the faces on the stage (one of which used to run lights for the show) while the rest were new. Not a bad show overall..The mom and daughter combo drank in excess while the fetus and I shot the shit. I ended up taking him home..Odd story there: He lives next door to a house that I wanted to buy a few years back..How weird..Anyways, not so sure why I am up so early, going back to bed…will write later..

 

Now, if that title does not spark your interest then something truly must be wrong with you. Just wehn you think that life has thrown you just about everything up its sneaky sleeve, She spins your head around more than before. The latest “spin” from Good Ole Life came in the form of this young guy I met. For all intents and purposes I shall refer to him as “The Fetus” or maybe even “F” for short…I refer to him as the Fetus because he is quite a bit younger than me, myself being 28 and him a mere 20 years young. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not one to look down at those who decided to date outside of their age group. Hell, I went on a date with a 56 year old man a few weeks back (needless to say, that one didn’t really work out). I do believe “to each his own” and all that crap. This chance meeting took place where so many do these days…The Internet! Yes, I met a fetus in a local chat on a popular gay chat site. I had seen him online before but never thought to speak to him due to the difference in age, however, on this particular day he made the first move. We chatted for about an hour or so and he ended up giving me his number (something that normally would freak me out for happening so quickly). I ended up meeting him at his place of work for a brief moment only to realize that he was indeed 20 yrs old, facial features still unformed, webbed fingers, toes and a tail…No, kidding, he was a cute kid, I thought…Kid being the word of choice. At any rate we talked on the phone that night and the next day. I kept my “Great Wall of China” around me the whole time. After a day of dodging his phonecalls, IMs and emails, I finally responded to his request to meet him at his former Art school with his friend. He met me at the door and I thought that he was still a cute kid and that I would stay for a few minutes and jet out but something inside let go and gave the guy a chance. I ended up having the time of my life and really liking him. Kind of odd for me, especially since I have worked so hard to push people away the last few months. So we’ll see where this all goes. He did make the first move and kiss me. It was awkward, but very nice in that “first awkward kiss” sorta way. Nice and innocent. So there, a fetus has made me actually smile for real. Who would have thought? I’ll keep you posted on the happenings. Well, gotta get packed..going to my best friend’s place out of town for the holiday. I made cornbread dressing from scratch..yummm…at least one of the kids got the cooking gene from Mom (and it had to be the son…) Come to think of it, my big sis did get the woodworking gene from Dad..Enough said..talk at cha later!

 

So I am on vacation. It’s about damned time! Cannot believe I have a full week away from pulled pork and country line dancing, a combination to make even the most die hard Western enthusiast get sick. Over the last few months months I have really grown to hate my job and most of the people there but hey, who doesn’t, right? My feelings about my job plus the fact that I was working 13 hour days consistently was enough to put me in the hospital a little over a week ago. Nothing too bad, just tonsilitus, an ear infection and mouth ulcers. Thanks to Lortabs, sleep and antibiotics (which make your body do aweful things), I am the free spirited, fun loving person I have always been. Hahahaha (couldn’t help myself). One great thing that being sick gave me the chance to do was to update my resume and put it online. I now have a host of interviews set up during my vacation. This is definitely a good thing. I thought the 9-5 lifestyle was not for me but quickly realized that I had a good thing when I had it and plan to get back to that, hopefully making more money. So now I’m sitting at home cleaning before my workout and playtime with friends. Of course the evil ex did not come home last night from the bars. A word of advice to anyone out there…When you break up with your significant other, DO NOT think that you two can still live together and be friends. I was in so much denial on so many levels about my relationship with him that I thought we could do just that. Of course, for him, he was able to make that transition quickly and move onto find someone else and a new identity. Things are different with me. I have always been “me” and like to face my problems and make a better self, constantly evolve. So you can imagine right now what I am dealing with..thoughts of a failed 4+ yr relationship and trying to keep on the “path” and improve myself. Its hard to improve yourself when you feel “damaged”. Don’t get me wrong, my life has not ended since the breakup but alot of my feelings were validated after the fact, seeing his patterns with the new people he meets. Its almost like a mirror of the way things were when we met. It just makes me feel that our moment was not “special”. That sounds crazy but its how I feel. But, watching this go on makes me feel sorry for him and that makes me sad that he just doesn’t see his patterns and doesn’t strive to be himself or better himself. Anyways, thats just been on my mind alot lately but I don’t want to talk about it with people b/c I was the one who broke it off so I should not be the one so upset, right? LOL. Yeah, that’s what I hear, not so sure that’s how it goes though..Anyways, off to the gym..gotta keep things up!