My So Called Gay Black Southern Life

First off, I must say that my birthday was one of the best ever. All of the appropriate people remmered and I even got a nice surprise cake at work. I was supposed to go out to dance later that night with this guy who I had met a few weeks earlier. When I met him I was on boyfriend #2 after a 5 year stint had ended with boyfriend #1. I was slightly attracted to this new friend but did not act on it in any way, besides, things were quite nice with boy #2. To make a long story short, things quickly turned sour with boy #2, partly due to insecurities on both of our sides coupled with the fact that we both are somewhat spoiled human beings and can be hard to handle. I finally ended the thing with boy #2 and went out the next day with the new boy, Bowe. Not really sure if he was interested, I played it cool trying to figure out where things stood. We had a great time, taking a tour of an historic mansion here in Nashville followed by lunch and watching the telly on his couch. There was lots of light touches, you know, the kind where your arms may touch or legs are touching. It was nice, sweet and innocent. We later went to church that night and had a great time. After work on my birthday I met up with him , went grocery shopping and went back to his place to cook dinner and drink a bit before heading out. Things felt nice and comfortable and complements were all over the place, as well as the occasional hug or touch here and there. Dinner and coversation were great, listening to nice music. We got to know each other more and had a nice and easy time. We made it to the club and things quickly went down from there…I started thinking about how I dumped Boy #1 and how I started dating #2 and dumped him in 3 months and figured that I did not want to screw up a chance at staying on good terms with #3. I spotted a cute man nearby and proceeded to encourage #3 to get his number and get to know him. He looked at me like I was crazy but with some prodding I got the two boys together and they hit it off and ended up going off to make out, leaving me alone. Talk about an odd situation that I put myself in. Not sure why I did it but what is done is done I guess. I am thinking that I need some time to really look at things and all why I am afraid to be alone. Hmm, sounds crazy I know but what’s a boy to do????